Healing is a Beautiful Mess
Is Your Understanding of “Healing” Blocking Your Recovery?
When we think about healing a physical injury, the steps are usually clear: rest, treatment, time. But emotional healing? That’s far less straightforward. When the wound is internal, invisible, and intertwined with our history, what does “healing” actually mean?
The answer is deeply personal—and sometimes, the way we define healing can unintentionally hold us back.
Rethinking What It Means to Heal
The word healing comes from Old English, meaning “to cure, save, make whole.” But in my work as a therapist, I see healing differently. People are not broken. Emotional wounds aren’t signs of pathology. And no one—therapist, partner, friend—can “save” us from our pain.
Clients often come into therapy with expectations that quietly sabotage their progress, like:
“I want to stop thinking about this.”
“I need to get rid of my anger, triggers, or grief.”
“Why am I still so sensitive?”
“I should be over that trauma by now.”
“I keep doing the same thing. I’ll never change.”
These beliefs frame healing as a finish line—something we reach when the pain disappears. But real healing doesn’t work that way.
A More Helpful Definition
My own understanding is simple:
Healing is: “I know different, I do different.”
Under the right conditions, our bodies and nervous systems naturally move toward repair—emotionally and physically. Healing isn’t about erasing pain; it’s about how we relate to it. It’s acknowledgment, willingness, courage, and compassion. It can look like progress or setback, feel like freedom or fumbling.
Healing is messy, nonlinear, and absolutely human.
It requires staying with our pain instead of pushing it away, turning toward the wound with curiosity, and allowing ourselves to be supported. As trauma scholar Shelly Rambo, PhD, beautifully says:
“Healing work cannot just be about what goes away, but also about how we remain with what stays.”
Three Practices to Support Your Healing
1. Acknowledge Repair (Even the Smallest Shifts)
Emotional healing happens in tiny, nearly invisible changes. We often miss them.
Try this:
Think about a recent moment that brought up discomfort. How did you respond differently compared to an earlier version of yourself? Did you use a new skill? Offer yourself compassion? Hold a new perspective?
These subtle shifts are healing. Notice how it feels to recognize them.
2. Turn Toward the Wound With Care
Persistent emotional pain often comes from younger parts of us that didn’t receive the attunement or support they needed. Without realizing it, we often respond to these wounds the same way others once did—through avoidance, criticism, or dismissal.
Try this:
Recall a recent emotional trigger. Check in with your body. Where do you feel it—chest, throat, stomach? Notice the sensation without judgment.
Offer a gentle, validating message:
“I’m here.”
“I feel you.”
“You didn’t deserve that.”
“You’re not alone.”
Place a hand where the emotion resides and stay with it. It may feel awkward—that’s because it’s new, and probably what was missing.
For support: try Tara Brach’s RAIN of Self-Compassion meditation.
3. Let Your Healing Be Witnessed
Healing needs connection. Yet most emotional wounds come from relationships where we needed support and didn’t receive it. Reaching out now is brave—and vulnerable.
Try this:
Share one thing you’re proud of in your healing with someone you trust. Healthy pride counters shame and deepens connection. If sharing feels unsafe, write it down and read it to yourself. Let yourself feel that sense of pride in your body.
Ready for Deeper Work?
If this approach resonates with you—especially if you appreciate somatic practices and embodied healing—reach out for a connection call. You don’t have to walk this path alone.